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About 'tuscaloosa tv guide'|Maryland gets its 2016 and 2017 Big Ten football schedules







About 'tuscaloosa tv guide'|Maryland gets its 2016 and 2017 Big Ten football schedules








               Charlie,               a               fine               turtle               by               all               accounts,               doesn't               know               how               much               longer               he               can               keep               swimming.

It's               been               two               days,               and               relief               is               nowhere               in               sight.
               Charlie               has               been               left               in               the               care               of               my               mother,               who               agreed               to               feed               him               while               the               Schmidts               are               away.

In               a               fit               of               eager               conscientiousness,               she               filled               his               tank               to               the               rim.

Since               then               Charlie               has               been               swimming               for               his               life,               and               for               all               that               he               holds               dear.
               Charlie               hadn't               wanted               to               go               away               with               the               Schmidts,               but               an               invite               would               have               been               nice.

Especially               in               hindsight,               knowing               the               ordeal               he               would               have               been               spared.
               The               Schmidts               have               gone               to               Tuscaloosa,               to               visit               Uncle               Ned.

Charlie               doesn't               know               when               they're               planning               to               return,               but               he               knows               it's               a               hell               of               a               drive.

He'd               be               doing               better               if               they'd               at               least               left               on               the               TV.

He's               missing               all               of               Mrs.

Schmidt's               (and               thus               his)               favorite               shows.

He               wonders               what's               happening               on               Downton               Abbey,               Mystery               Diagnosis,               the               Kardashians.
               He's               feeling               out               of               the               loop.
               The               physical               strains               are               the               toughest,               though.

Charlie's               shell               is               getting               soggy,               his               skin               is               wrinkling,               and               his               TMJ               is               acting               up               from               the               constant               clenching               of               his               jaw.
               He               wants               to               stay               positive,               but               it's               getting               hard               not               to               brood.
               Ned               is               a               stupid               name,               Charlie               thinks.

He               wonders               if               Uncle               Ned               realizes               it.
               Thankfully,               Charlie               has               more               than               ample               provisions.

The               zealous               blonde               makes               triple-certain               of               that.

And               -               turtle               or               not,               Charlie               can't               help               but               notice               -               she               has               a               hell               of               a               set               of               knockers.

As               opposed               to               Mrs.

Schmidt,               who,               he               guiltily               concedes,               is               built               something               like               a               dump               truck.
               Seeking               distraction               from               this               line               of               thought,               Charlie               flips               over.

The               backstroke               has               never               been               his               strong               suit,               but               he               kicks               his               legs               with               all               the               energy               he               can               muster,               propelling               himself               to               the               other               side               of               the               tank.

He               wants               desperately               to               crawl               over               the               side,               but               knows               from               prior               attempts               that               the               glass               is               too               slippery.
               Charlie               turns               back               onto               his               stomach,               looks               out               upon               the               living               room.

Couch,               computer               desk,               coffee               table;               nothing               begs               his               eye.

He               glances               toward               the               bookcase.

It's               lovely               mahogany,               uncluttered               and               polished               to               a               shine.
               Then               his               eyes               fall               upon               it.

Featured               prominently               on               the               top               shelf               is               a               large,               encyclopedic               book:               "A               Comprehensive               Guide               To               Superior               Turtle               Care."
               Ha!

Charlie               thinks               bitterly.

Had               the               Schmidts               read               halfway               down               page               one,               they               wouldn't               left               him               with               a               dimwitted               blonde               with               no               clue               about               turtles               and               a               fetish               for               tap               water               tsunamis.
               Charlie               makes               a               hard               left               and               swims               the               other               way.
               He               looks               down               longingly               at               his               rock.
               If               only               he               could               gain               purchase.

.

.
               To               be               continued.

.

.






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